apricots and ideas

Its been a month and a half. I've been my own boss for almost two months and its been amazing. I'm not making any money yet, but its amazing.

 What have I been doing, you ask? I've enjoyed my days and worked at night. I've picked pounds and pounds of apricots and edited artist bios for friends/clients. I've painted and laughed with Jack and tried to wrap my brain around php code. This new world of work is all about end products and ideas--and I'm a really good idea girl. Those can be worked on anytime.

Creativity, at least personal creativity, has been a little dry. I'm trying to being patient, it will return.

The Spooky Calm

Deep breath. Well, I've finally done it. After ten years of being RMSP Page I quit my job. I've always threatened to see what else was out there. I finally decided to stop playing around in the shallow end by taking side jobs and small projects here and there, and dive into deeper water. 

I do have a plan. I've been choreographing this move for years now, so of course I have a plan. Despite that fact, at times I feel like maybe this isn't the best time for a life change. I don't know why I feel this way (biggest recession we've seen in years, all the economic gloom and doom, a growing family, etc)? So how do I know this is the right move? I know because with each mind numbing moment of panic that comes through out the day, when it subsides I'm left with a complete sense of calm. Its a spooky calm. The kind that permeates every cell in your body and makes you grin like a fool no matter what is happening around you.

I kind of love it. 

carnival ride: western montana fair

What does a baby see? early summer.

From 6 months on, infants are said to have 20/40 vision, not too shabby. However, in my experience they have a pretty intense case of tunnel vision. When their eyes lock onto something, the have an iron clad focus that is rarely broken by anything else. And now that he moves on his own, forget about it.

There will probably be a lot of  hands and feet since much of Jack's attention is on the objects within reach.

where does the time go?

I've been procrastinating. That's putting it gently. I've been avoiding my blog and my photography like the plauge. My "What does a baby see" project had been progressing at a nice clip until I had to face the inevitable. Jack is growing up. Its not that his tiny newborn clothes no longer fit him, or the teeth. Its not even the fact that he's crawling. All these things I've come to terms with relatively peacefully and have loved each new milestone.

I'm more in denial about his vision not being blurry anymore. I know it sounds terribly vain and self centered so let me explain. I'm happy, no, I'm ecstatic that he has terrific vision, but it left me in a lurch when it came to my photography project. I started the whole thing as a way to relate to this little person who did a whole lot of eating, sleeping and staring when he was born. Now that he is laughing, crawling, making jokes (at least he thinks its hilarious to throw things on the floor for me to pick up over and over...) I don't need to take photographs of what he sees to understand the way the world looks to him. Now that his vision is better we essentially see the same things.

I was pretty close to throwing in the towel, calling it good, it was fun while it lasted. This weekend, however, I was re-inspired. There is still a whole world that Jack is exploring and experiencing. While we see the same things, we still seem them so differently. So, I'm including a few final images from the good old blurry days. I took them on our big trip to Hawaii (more on that later). The new, sharper images will be posted soon.

What does a baby see? the mountain ash

 

Jack has been pretty interested in this tree the past week or so. It happens to be in his line of sight from several of his usual hangouts, the play-mat in the middle of our living room and his high chair.  The tree is a mountain ash and has red berries that hang from the limbs during the winter. With nothing other then branches and berries, and occasionally snow, its quite beautiful. When the wind is blowing the branches around Jack is especially captivated by this tree. I think the red in contrast with the grey winter sky is what does it.  

Every spring a huge flock of Cedar Waxwings come and feast on the fermenting berries. Jack was pretty fascinated by this process. Not only was the tree moving around like crazy but hundreds of birds darting in and out of branches, passing berries back and forth, the entire flock coming and going in the blink of an eye, was almost more than an six month old could handle. But he couldn't take his eyes off the scene. In one day, one afternoon really, almost all the berries were gone. The birds left as quickly as they came and the tree was still. Despite its new bare limbs, Jack is still quite fond of the tree.  

Spring vs. Winter

This has been a long winter. I love winter, don't get me wrong. I might even go so far as to say its my favorite season. This year, however, I'm pretty ready for spring. The weather is finally warming up and for the first time since November the snow has melted revealing grass, pavement, and dirt; a grimy scene I never thought I would celebrate. Winter isn't letting go very easily though. It snows at night then melts during the day. The epic battle of seasons, in my backyard.

What does a baby see? nap time

...and this is what a Mom sees.
There's nothing quite like a happy baby after a nap. I'll think I hear a noise coming from Jack's room, not crying more like talking, but softly and intermittently. I've become an expert at the art of opening noisy, 70 year old doors silently. Its the right combination of pressure, speed and timing. As the door slowly opens and I peek through the crack, this is what I see:

 

Never before has anyone been so happy to see me when they wake up.  It feels amazing. I'd like to pass this on to everyone I know. Unfortunately, I am notoriously terrible to wake up. Just ask my brother and my husband, they have both felt the wrath. Someday I promise to wake up as utterly happy as Jack does.